I got to Mom's wake early
Mom's body didn't look anything like herself
Stood around and awkwardly greeting people I hadn't seen in forever
I spent a lot of time thinking about how I want my wake and funeral to go
People told stories about how great mom was
I don't know if they were just trying to not speak ill of the dead
but my experiences with her were not nearly as positive
"She gave birth to me (in effort to save her marriage)
Let me live in her house (filthy hoarding house)
There always food in the house (she never cooked)
I got an education (she never taught me anything)
I mostly figured out how to be an adult (she never guided me)"
ISNT HER HOARDING A QUIRKY HABIT ?
ITS PERFECTLY NATURAL THAT SHE NEVER HUGGED ANY OF HER CHILDREN
SHE _ONCE_ MADE ME A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH
BINGO !
COFFEE
NEVER SAID "I LOVE YOU"
SHE SLEEPS ALL DAY AND WORKS NIGHTS
WALK THE PATH THROUGH THE HOARDING HOUSE
I'LL NEVER GET THE APOLOGY I DESERVE FOR HER TERRIBLE PARENTING
Hung out at the hotel for an after party
I took the opportunity to update my family spreadsheet
We shared stories of family trauma
Driving home was dangerous
I felt my car slipping on the road
Several cars had spun out on the black ice and got stuck, including one right in front of me
Mom's funeral
We got to the church an hour before the ceremony
It felt a bit redundant after last night
I wonder if they put something in the candle wax that makes people want to start crying
We buried her in the grave next to the others
Annie had already put my name on the "family tombstone"
We had a party at Zukey Lake Tavern
I felt too young for the old people, and too old for the young people
We all played a game of bingo
I'm sick AGAIN
I think it might be something I picked up at mom's party
It used to be I'd get hit with the yearly flu once
then I'd be fine for the rest of the year
but I think this is the third time I've been sick in the past twelve months
I wonder if my pain receptors are getting burned out
Sun burns don't hurt as much as when I was a kid
When I first got lower back pain, it was debilitating, now it's just a dull ache
My teeth should be hurting, but after a day or two of pain, nothing since
When my bladder gets too full, it would pain me, and wake me up from sleep, now I sleep through it
I'm glad I'm not in constant pain
but I don't want my body to ignore things that are actual problems
I've discovered that the shower pipe is leaking between the walls
I'll have to either cut out a section of bathroom tile
or pull down the shelves in the kitchen
The internet suggests the kitchen route
Now I'll just have to stop playing video games long enough to get the job done
In the mean time, I'm taking super short showers to minimize how much water spills